Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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