You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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