Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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