so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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