i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm like, not good at living.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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