3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
