Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
