My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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