Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You have to summon your inner elephant
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hello my rib-scented angel!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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