Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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