So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
