That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
