A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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