At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
