if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
