I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
