i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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