I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
