So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
