You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
