I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
