don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
