you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
