When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
