i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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