chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
