I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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