Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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