who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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