he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
