Me. At least after what I've been through.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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