id be glad to
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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