everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
