im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
