In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
