DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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