dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
