Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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