You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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