he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
