I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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