There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
