i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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