id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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