I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Everything about him screamed your future.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
