i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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