When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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