hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
