conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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