If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
